In the cognitive principle matrix there are two self's, namely, the real self and the expressed self.
- The real self is the person who has made mistakes, but does not taken them personally and has stayed their authentic self. The real self evolves as we growth through making mistakes, but not taking them personally and growing from those experiences. Some of these mistakes will become bad habits, but that is our human nature at work. We then work at correcting our bad habits.
- The expressed self is the person who has made mistakes and taken them personally. The response of taking things personally is to create defense mechanisms and holding on to these as unresolved issues. These mistakes are called very bad habits.
- Very bad habits are caused by creating negative-predictive-comparative loops as shown below:
The very bad habit continues to operate when some or all of the four brains get out of alignment.
The self destructive process is:
Problem-Rumination-Bad habits-Suffer [blame]-Expressed self grows
The real self process is :
Problem-Mistakes-Fix or accept-Honesty-Suffer [grow]-Real self grows
The key two points in the restoration process are to:
- Not to take things personally
- By honest by owning up to your mistakes, with both yourself and others. You will suffer for being honest, but you will grow your real self.
Benefits of Honesty:
Source: Adapted from: Williams, Patrick, and Lloyd J. Thomas. (2005) Total Life Coaching. New York, W.W. Norton and Co, Inc.
What does honesty have to do with health and wellness? If you’re striving to be the best you can be, honesty has to be at the foundation. Change won’t last if you are trying to be something that you are not. Honesty is the bridge to authenticity and self-compassion. Honesty allows you to set realistic goals. It bolsters your courage and frees you to be your best self.
10 Benefits of Being Honest:
1. Honesty promotes authenticity. Honesty is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings. If you want people to know who you really are, be honest in your self-expression.
2. Honesty fosters courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing what you know you want or need to do, despite your fear. It takes an immense amount of courage to say what you feel. It is often difficult and takes practice and patience, but he payoffs are enormous.
3. Honesty shows you care. Being honest with yourself and with others shows how much you really care. It also demonstrates self-respect and respect for others. A caring attitude makes people stop and think. Gentle honesty is also very attractive and appealing.
4. Honesty creates a circle of love. Honesty sets an example that invites others to imitate. When others respond with honesty, it can create more interpersonal closeness and authenticity. This often translates into love and can create an ongoing evolution of loving relationships.
5. Honesty shows maturity and self-acceptance. There can often be hurt and pain associated with honesty. A mature person conveys honest expression in a style that minimizes painful impact. When others are hurt, the mature, self-accepting person remains in the relationship to work through any pain experienced by the other person.
6. Honesty fosters a connection. Honesty can bring people closer by creating a safe connection. It forms a context for the relationship within which both parties feel secure enough to be genuine in their interactions. Such a relationship can invite and empower each party to work through some highly personal issues.
7. Honesty feels exhilarating because it is so freeing. Being authentic and saying what you feel and think feels great! By doing so, you break free of the limitations of fear.
8. Honesty eliminates garbage. Hiding true feelings or withholding information creates emotional garbage. This is known as gunnysacking , which requires a lot of self-defeating energy. Being honest from the beginning of any interaction prevents the build-up of emotional garbage and cleans out your emotional gunnysack.
9. Honesty attracts honesty. If honesty becomes an unconscious habit, you will become very attractive to other honest people. A life filled with authentic people is vastly enriched.
10. Honesty can keep you out of trouble. We all know how you can dig yourself deeper into a hole with lies and deceit. So from the start, don’t even go there. Keep a clean slate by staying honest, especially when you fear the anticipated consequences.
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Honesty is defined: Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
Integrity is defined: A concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. Integrity is the process of being honest.
In cognitive principle therapy [CPT] , principles replace behavior as the preferred method of therapy. If CPT is to work effectively, then the principles must be applied using both honesty and integrity within oneself.
Honesty will result in suffering, but the type which grows influencing principles, such as self-control, courage, patience, persistence and calmness. It is the process of growing the real self or the authentic self.
