CPM -Flow Chart
Life in Balance using the CPM Flow Chart
In the Cognitive Principle Matrix three groups of principles are used to provide balance in life. Without balance you can easily fall into anxiety, depression or addictions.
Life balance is not like physical balance which has a fixed point of reference. Life balance is based on operating between relationship principles, influences principles and negative principles.
1. Relationship Principles: Trust, respect, commitment, acceptance, love, empathy, caring and faithfulness.
These principles have the following characteristics:
(i) They are personal, that is, they have a high level of feeling associated with them directed at self or others.
(ii) They grow in positive situations and normally decline in negative situations.
(iii) They are more effective dealing with people than processes.
2. Influencing Principles: Assertiveness, calmness, courage, patience, self-control and evaluation.
These principles have the following characteristics:
(i) They have influence over negative situations
(ii) They have the potential to grow more in negative situations than positive in situations. That is, courage can grow faster when faced with danger rather than with peace.
(iii) They are more effective in dealing with processes rather than people.
3. Negative Principles: Fear, anger, guilt, anxiousness, critical, confusion , boredom, jealousy.
The negative principles have the following characteristics:
(i) They are negative, but are good, because they describe negative situations, relating to rules, boundaries and consequences and protect relationship principles. They also lead to influencing principles when used correctly.
(ii) Each negative principle has a message, as follows:
a. Fear: Someone or thing is about to attack my relationship boundary. For example, I’m getting fearful because this person is following me and I don’t trust him. I will need assertiveness and courage if I can’t get away.
b. Anger: Someone or thing has broken through my boundary and action needs to be taken. For example, she pushed my child out of the line and I need to be assertive and speak to her.
c. Critical: Something or someone has or is making a mistake and it is not acceptable. I need to evaluate the situation and may need to take action.
d. Guilt: I have made a mistake and it needs to be corrected in case it occurs again. I need to use patience and self-control and commit to fixing it.
e. Anxiousness: Something negative is going to happen or is happening and I’m uncertain of the outcome. I need calmness and self-control to face the situation.
f. Confusion: Something or someone needs to be sorted out otherwise a problem may arise. I need to evaluate the situation and use self-control to sort it out.
Some people can’t tolerate being out of balance in a negative way and will flip over to a false positive, for example:
To escape from paranoid fear, flip over to a fantasy and start using drugs.
To justify rage, flip over to pride and feel entitled to be angry, justifying the behavior, so as not to feel bad about it.
To escape personal rejection, become overly greedy, demanding material possessions to compensate for the rejection or to escape from thinking about the rejection.
To escape shame, become self-centered so that their needs get meet to ease the pain.
HOW TO YOU GET OUT OF BALANCE?
You get out of balance when you break the two golden rules of the Cognitive Principle Matrix.
First Rule: When Negative comparative thinking rises, then principles fall.
Eg. When you start feeling and thinking jealous thoughts, then trust falls.
Second Rule: In positive situations it is personal, but in negative situations it is behavioral. Eg In positive situations praise the person, but in negative situations criticise their behaviour.
If you break these two rules and the are combined then you get out of balance:
The thinking becomes:
Concern-Rumination-Blame, instead of:
Influence-Self-control-Fix the problem.
Fear in a negative situation becomes paranoid fear, when it feels personal and you start to loose courage.
Anger in a negative situation, becomes rage, when it is taken personally and you stop being assertive.
Critical in a negative situation becomes rejection, when it is taken personally and you don’t stop to evaluate the situation.
Guilt in a negative situation becomes shame, when it is taken personally, and you do not use self-control.
Anxiousness in a negative situation becomes panic, when it is taken personally and you do not use self-control.
MISTAKES get confused with FAILURE when you take it personally in a negative situation:
Mistakes-Guilt-Self-control-Commitment [and fix the problem]
Failure-Shame-No self-control-Blame yourself, others or circumstances. [avoids the problem]
The negative energy generated from rumination can cause the negative emotions to join together and cause depression [fear, rage, hopelessness, shame, rejection] or anxiety [fear, hopelessness, rejection, panic]
Stop rumination and use spiritual principles:
Stop rumination and use spiritual principles to get back into balance, for example:
For excessive fear use:
• Hope is knowing that you will successfully achieve in the goal, but do not necessarily know how to do it. Hope takes the place of goals when they become blocked due to frustration, etc, or when the pathway to the goal is lost.
For feelings of rage, rejection, and panic and shame use:
• Forgiveness is being able to forgive either yourself or the other person. Forgiveness is the ability to split the person from their behavior and forgive the person, while letting God, karma or whatever else you believe in, judge their behavior.
For fear anger, anxiousness and guilt use:
• Peace is being able to sit with negative principles of fear, anger, anxiousness, guilt and accept those by not reacting to those.
• Suffering follows peace, when you sit with your negative principles and then grow influencing principles such as courage, assertiveness, patience, persistence and self-control, rather than blame yourself, somebody else or life’s circumstances.
For fantasy, pride, greed and self-centeredness use:
Humility which is unconditional acceptance. If you don’t accept the situation, but continue with false positives, then suffering will come along and eventually humble you.
Use your influencing principles with assertiveness and strong rules, boundaries and consequences which are agreed and acted upon.
Sort out your identity.
In personal grow situations always put your self first [internally only], by asking yourself questions in the following order:
WHO am I?
WHAT do I want?
HOW do I get it?
When facing situations most people want to know how to fix the problem, without knowing who they are or what they want. You must know “Who am I?” based on your principles, before you ask “What do I Want?” otherwise an internal conflict is created if the two aren’t aligned.
With dysfunction, when the question of “Who am I” is asked the person may not know or give an answer that feels uncomfortable. This is because the explicit “Who am I” and the implicit “Who am I” are different. The implicit answer is within the subconscious mind and is not available as a thought, but only as a feeling to the conscious mind. The implicit “who am I” can be adversely affected by unresolved issues from the past.
Once you have assertive control then you can focus on the “how”, create the awareness of “nothing”, be present in the “now”, and rely on your intuition.