Anger Control
Anger is just another type of habit. But is a new approach
It is said that there are at least nine types of anger, however, regardless of the type, anger arises from a bad habit [which is a mild term for an addiction]. When a person has an addiction, triggers activate the addiction, which is located in the sub-conscious mind. The addiction is hard to control with positive thinking because the negative thought and feeling in the subconscious is greater than anything the conscious mind can produce and therefore the sub-conscious mind always wins.
The traditional methods to manager anger are outlined in the Australian Psychological Society website: www.psychology.org.au/publications/tip_sheets/anger/#s5 “Tips to help manage anger, namely:
• Identify triggers and warning signs of anger:
-List things that can trigger your anger
-Notice warning signs of anger in your body
• Learn strategies for managing anger
-Control your thinking
-Take time out
-Use distraction
-Use relaxation
• Learn assertive skills
• Try to acknowledge what is making you angry
• Rehearsing anger management skills [using imagination]
CPT is based on the premise that most problems are caused by two weaknesses, namely, lack of control [or influence] and or a weakened principle. The key relationship principles are love, trust, respect, acceptance, commitment. When clients with anger have been tested using Schema assessments the results show that they normally have reduced levels of trust and respect compared to the average person.
In CPT the Anger cycle is seen as follows:
Activating event—Underlying lack of security [trust and respect]
Lack of control [feels inadequate]
Tries to force control [earn respect]
Feels frustrated [lack of respect]
Feels angry [no respect]
Becomes abusive [forces respect]
Clients with anger issues have a distorted view of respect in their subconscious based on their past experiences.
Examples of distortions are as follows:
• Victim’s view- “They should not treat me like this.”
• Self-Centered view- “I’m entitled to be treated the way I expect”
• Conditional view-“Look at what I’ve done for them.”
Genuine respect has to be given unconditionally. If you give respect conditionally then control passes to the giver and you feel insecure if you do not get respect back. When
you give unconditionally you give with rules, boundaries and consequences. If respect is not returned you tighten the rules and boundaries and raise the consequences. At a point in time, if the disrespect continues, then the consequence is that the relationship is ended.
The approach of CPT in controlling anger is as follows;
(i) Teaches clients to understand that when people have weakened principles they go outside themselves to find that principle. For example, the People Pleaser wants acceptance, the Alcoholic initially wanted courage, the Perfectionist wants acceptance and self-control, the angry person normally wants respect.
The truth is that you find principles within yourself, not outside yourself.
(ii)Teaches the client what is known as the Principle of Splitting. When confronted by a negative situation, like anger, always split the person from their behaviour. Use assertiveness to attack the behaviour, not the person. The recipient may feel that you are too hard, but they will respect you more than if you attack them personally.
(iii) Teaches the client where to look inside themselves to find respect. However, you don’t go to your subconscious to find respect, because there you will find a list of negative thoughts and feelings which have corrupted the principle of respect. You are taught how to by pass your sub-conscious and go to your spiritual side where your true principles are located.
CPT teaches how to create new habits such as assertiveness and by-passing the subconscious. If you try to force a change to a bad habit you get resistance, whereas with CPT there is substantially reduced resistance to change by creating new habits, using the Stop, find method ™
There are certain types of anger that are not driven by lack of trust and respect. The main one of these is referred to as deliberate anger, which is where the person deliberately gets angry to get their needs meet. With deliberate anger the person has control and is driven by greed.
The theory behind CPT is that there are two opposing factors which influence our lives, namely principle thinking (PT) and negative comparative thinking (NCT). NCT is driven by fear and greed. Most anger is due to fear, however, deliberate anger is due to both fear and greed. It is particularly found in manipulative people and those with narcissistic tendencies. [entitlement]
All “fear based problems” need to be initially nurtured before being confronted. However, “greed based problems” will misuse nurturing and the better approach is to confront the greed. Therefore, the CPT uses high levels of assertiveness to challenge the deliberate anger which is being displayed. The principle of splitting is used to attack the behavior and motivation behind it, while nurturing the person at the same time.
